amen.

i'm done with blogger.

i'm HERE now.

woot.

the good, the bad and the ugly.

i'm currently listening to matchbox twenty's "you won't be mine" and once again I'm kicking myself for losing my first copy of 'mad season'. while my second copy (yes I actually bought the cd again. the album is THAT good.) has the live versions of 'bent', 'back 2 good' (so so good by the way) and 'don't let me down', the first one has a hidden extended instrumental version of 'you won't be mine'. the score is just beautiful and haunting and all that good stuff. grr.

went down to soka association today to help out with the packing of stuff for the tsunami victims with some of the drama kiddies and we were definitely impressed with some of Singaporeans' generosity. (though I definitely can't say the same for those who decided to give us their used underwear.) one thing that bothered me was that skirts, dresses and anything sleeveless were not included because according to one of the volunteers, it was because such clothings could result in the women or girls being raped or molested.

there are no words. it is completely inhumane.

as I sat there sorting out the different piles, I had this picture in my head of the men and women rushing to the boxes and fighting over the clothes, trying to find the right sizes for their kids and themselves. I thought of the boy who was going to wear that spiderman shirt. or that woman with her new green sweater. call me naive but I actually saw these people smiling.

jacqueline pointed out that if I continued talking in my oh so sexy and nasal voice I would end up without a voice by the end of the night. and true enough, by the time I met up with my lao, mali and kamy at sempang bedok I was squeaking and sounding like a cross between a frog and a bird.

from inter-racial marriages to our worst and bitchy moments with one another, from mali's nose leaking to kamy's less than hot encounter with the handsome one, I ended up laughing myself hoarse. [and if you guys think I'm dramatic, you obviously have not met my friends. and I mean that in the nicest possible way ;)]

aaah but the night was still young and so we walked from the coffeeshop to tanah merah interchange, while grooving to "oye mi canto'. never mind that all we knew was just the chorus and the 'WHAT WHAT' part but eh. kaminni was sexy, mali was hamming it up and I was busting my malay dance moves. and alisa...aiyoh. just watch her sing/rap to J Lo's 'All I Have' and you'll know what I mean. and for a moment I kinda wished we could act out our own rendition of nelly and christina aguilera's 'tilt ya head back'. hurhur.

entered the house at exactly 11pm and I was spared from my mother's dirty looks and sarcastic remarks. probably because she was already asleep but eh, I'll take what I can get.

ok. I'm beat.

::tears hair out::

.Ay MAMI...MAMI...MAMI...MAMI.

normal

me and alisa are having imaginary conversations. imaginary and yet oh so therapeutic.

I just wish it would be enough.

.yeah.

hole in the head

in slumber I was at peace. the moment I opened my eyes I immediately wished I hadn't done so. waking up meant I had to face reality, and at that moment reality was an excruciating throbbing in my head that I wasn't prepared for. I remembered asking my mom for some pills and before I knew it it was already 11. my mother knew better than to question or chide me whenever I complained of a migraine. because she knows.

he has not met me, and yet he knows so much. he is able to tell my mother things about me that only family members know of. somehow he knows what I've been going through but how is it possible? he hasn't even met me yet! as the day draws near, I realise I'm completely terrified of meeting him. [there it is, that word again. it's only the 4th day of the new year and already I'm deathly scared of so many things. sheesh, what's next?] I'm scared of what I'll say to him, and what he'll say to me.

something tells me he already knows of the lies, the broken relationship between me and my father, the inner turmoil. something tells me he already knows everything. and yet, I'm inexplicably drawn to him. I want to tell him everything. this man, whom I've heard so much about. maybe this is the closure that I seek.

but on the other hand, blind faith doesn't seem to be working anymore.

it's the silences that kill me.

lies

I don't even know who's me anymore.

and from your lips she drew the hallelujah

paradise city

this is a beautiful song.

Tiny Dancer by Elton John
Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad

Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can't hear me
When I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

.that's the way.

wahlao.

tomorrow marks the beginning of a new school year. or as I like to call it, the beginning of the end.

let's just say, i'm T E R R I F I E D.

one thing I like about my new place is that whenever there's a soccer match going I can hear the screams of 'GGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!' coming from the opposite blocks. it's not like I'm a soccer freak or anything but I just find it so amusing. and also living on the 12th floor means that all the fans and the air-cons in my house have become redundant because thanks to the endless wind, it's like we're living in siberia. I'm wearing socks to sleep. how 'little women' and 'sense and sensibility' is that? (because you know, the characters wear socks to sleep...never mind)

and because I'm feeling completely random today, my mother hates my new pair of jeans. or should I say mah skiiiiiiiiiiiny jeans. oh well, you can't please everybody. but you sure can please yourself. *canned laughter* oh i'm just killing myself here.

I really should be packing my stuff for school tomorrow. or at least take a look at my GP notes. key word there being 'should'.

much love to the uncle who fixed my phone's keypad. remember the advertisement about the prisoner who looked like he was about to do no good but turned out to be carving a watermelon in a restaurant? well this uncle looks EXACTLY like the guy in the ad and would beat anybody up into a pulp but the funniest thing is he's TERRIFIED of his wife. haha.

man. I can listen to jude law saying the words 'fantastic', 'superb' and 'magnificent' all day long.

my brother-in-law gave me him mp3 player. [YAY!!] problem is, it's as big as a nintendo. [not so much with the yay] or one of those controllers when you're playing video games. [lao, i know your mouth is TWITCHING by now] but the man has amazing stuff in there so now all I need to do is to add my own songs and I'll be a happy clam.

oooh they're playing 'far from heaven' now on star movies. the movie is as beautiful as it is depressing. but nothing can beat 'the house of sand and fog.' i think that's one of the bleakest movies I've ever watched balls.

talking about depressing stuff, I now have the book 'mystic river' by denise lehane. YAY!!

ooh. this quote made me laugh.
"Well who plans on a change of plan? I mean, that would be sorta paranoid, don't you think?'"
all I need to do is just remember this quote and maybe I won't be so uptight. riiiiight.

my nephew threatened me last night.

him: wawa if you don't go to sleep you cannot follow us eat breakfast tomorrow.

he's fucking adorable lah that one. and the brother? he's so selengeh bacin, he kills me. he's just so...selengeh. which means, he takes after me. ;]

ok. here's the quote of the day.

[my lao is watching me get ready to go out. we're in my room]

lao: how do you manage to go out looking so good in the midst of all this mess?

she insults me while complimenting me at the same time. and that is why, she is my LAO.

ok before I end, I have to thank my lao, mali, dee, kamy, encik ketam and lala[never mind we only met once girlie] for making this month a little less painful and a whole lot better and fun one for me. I don't know when's the next time I'm going to see you guys once school starts, but believe me, those times in little india and town and christmas night? I will never forget and I will always cherish.

lao? you're on standby for tomorrow aight?

woot.

.it's still rock and roll to me.